Finally, i decided walk out from the messy situation. walk out from him and tried to accept other.
Friend said: give him a chance and give myself a chance too..
Honestly, his shadow still stay deep inside here.. Maybe it's unfair for other him.
Should i told him the truth? But i really do happy with him, don't want ruin our current relationship..
i'm so confused.. god, pls send me a sign..

the last day of jan 2010

Finally i decide wanna get off from the bus.. as assumed, he is leave me alone after all done.. i think i won't regret wat i do now coz i really had try to win it back.. js i lost it.

welcome 2010

A new year, a new start, a new chapter, a new begining..

Wishing everything will be fine in 2010..

Happy New Year 2010..

the power of love..

Few days ago, I went my uncle’s house to visit my grandpa. My grandpa is aged 70 above, maybe just recover from sickness, he is very skinny and become older and weaker compare with last time I met him. Now, he can’t stand up or sit by himself anymore, every of his movement need help from others. He is use pamper like a baby now, everyday my uncle help him clean the body.
At this moment, I just remember that I had received an email from my friend about parent and kids. Inside the email stated when we was a baby, parent take care everything of kid. Parent wears the baby clothes, feed them milk, and teach them how to speak out the first word (mama or papa), how to walk and fastening their shoe string, how to comb their hair… After day by day, kids are grown up and parent get older. Their position is change and become opposite, parent just like go back to zero. They become blur and need help from other to do the daily activities. Sometime, they can’t hear what their children talk, they can’t see the thing clearly, they can’t walk fast, and they start crapping.. All of that may annoying but do you ever think, what your parent feel when you were a kid? They never blame and give up doing the best for you.
Beside the relationship between parent and kids, relationship between husband and wife also very touching if they love each other same like the starting. As I remember, grandma always blame grandpa because his unfaithfulness when grandpa was young. Grandpa and grandma always argue and never tolerance. But, this time is different, I saw grandma is very care grandpa. She tried to comfort grandpa to make him less worries about my youngest uncle.
Aren’t people will change their point of view when they are getting older? They will try to accept the imperfect of their partner which they refused in the past. Maybe I should think it in this way, when one is really love their partner, one will accept all the imperfect of their partner no matter what aged or what type of relationship.
For example, a girl is refused with the guy who has habit of smoke. But, she may slowly accept that habit after that guy became her boyfriend. Of course, sure the girl will complain the guy don’t ever smoke again. If the guy can’t take over his bad habit, the only way to meet the solution is girl has to accept it. This is very common happen between couples. If you can’t change it then you have to accept it to reach the peaceful, no matter what kind of problem. How acceptable of the case is depending on how one love their partner. If you love your partner more than your partner love you then automatic you will accept the worse that others think impossible to accept. You will get an excuse to persuade yourself to forgive your partner, even you know it is unforgiveness. So, I think that is true, THE POWER OF A RELATIONSHIP IS LIES WITH WHOEVER CARES LESS.

One's first love is always perfect until one meet one's second love..

One's first love is always perfect until one meet one's second love?? Do you think it's correct? erm.. i agree with this statement.. when i just break up with my ex, i can't stop thinking of him even can't get him out of my mind.. During that time i felt the time past like turtle, why the day so long and i was counted how many days i live without him.. now, when i recall all of this, i think i'm so fool on that time, all i did for him,he know nothing..

"I understood everything will past without notice as time goes by, but i just hope time can pass faster..", a nice quotation from a friend. At first, i think i can over him after a period but i'm wrong.. everyday all the flashback will appear in my mind, what he had promised me, what he did for me, all the memories came out automatically.. It's was appear anytime and anywhere.. I just can't help myself to escape from that messy until i met the second him..

Maybe we are always keep in touch, he make me feel that i'm not alone, there are still have someone care about me and i'm worth for someone.. And I realized that when he become a part of my life, the frequency of those flashback appear is reduced.. I stop crying for those promises and day by day i stop thinking of him as well.. is't because of the second him?? I think so..

In conclusion, the best method to cure break up case is invest in other relationship.. means falling in love with the second him.. Haha..

Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.

What you did for your lover? Erm.. after a few second i recall it, i got nothing special i did before.. As my personality, i'm a rational thinking girl, i won't do sometime without think twice expect those small small matters. In handle a relationship, i always make it carefully and try my best to minimize the hurt or mistakes that will be happen between me and my partner. So, i was always in my plan.. No matter what, when to have a date, where we gonna hang out, what we want to eat even what should i say when we are meet.. Or course, not everything is in my planning, sometime it's might be out of plan.. But, i really plan for everything.. Am i crazy or a mental problem girl? Be honestly, all i did is to assured we could stay together with peaceful.. But they never know it.

If i plan everything, means i never take any risk before?? I think i have choose a safe way to built up a relationship although it's failure in the end but i never argue with my ex, even once.. i also not sure it's good or no good.. It's good because we never hurt each other; it's no good because our time past like a linear, don't have any peak like other couples.. In fact, i prefer the second way to develop a relationship because i'm still believe that blame and argument will make a scar between a couple.

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.." this love quotation asking human for fighting, being brave and take risk in order to fall in love with someone you love.. May i follow it?? I admit that i'm a coward because i keep stay at the same place even i known i'm into him early..

No matter how i care about him, i still have to pretend i just treat him as a friend. I can't tell him how worries i am here,wishing to know everything and hoping everything is alright around him.. I can't do anyting unless waiting for him to contact me..

I can just waiting..

What does "boyfriend/girlfriend" actually means?

Few days ago, my friend ask me about how is my progress of mission.. Mission of collect my cong dong-ness.. I told her that i had give up to collect it because i know my cong dong can't work on what i want. Then she asked again, what type of relationship between i and Comic currently.. I answered her, we are good, take care each other and share together.. We just like a couple.. She is very umcomfortable with the word "couple".. Third question she asked, "why you said you both like a couple?" Then i try to depict the situation when we were hanging out and told her that we are keep contact everyday either sms, call or msn. We are always care each other, know what happen at the surrounding.. Beside than that, we always keep tease and joke too.. As time goes by, we become close and closer. That why i got the feeling like falling in love..

She persued me to tell Comic the truth again and i said actually i not need the name of "girlfriend or boyfriend". What i want is he care about me and always stand by me. I don't mind to do something for him without credit from him. I just want him feel comfortable and happy when we are together. She suddenly added, "How about the 'body touch'? You can do something normally a couple will do even you both not a couple yet?" I answerd her, no hand touching, no hugging, and no kissing lo.. Wakaka..

Actually, not only we can't do the 'body touch' but some words we can't speak it out too.. Just like "I miss you", even i'm missing him so much but i still have to keep it to myself.. Without the name, we felt embrassing when other friends are joke at us and we just pretend didn't heard or not understand. I understand that i can't resist from him although he is confusing me. I just can't help myself and i can't get him out of my mind too. So, i have to think twice my previous decision, whether i'm mistake. Is't i surpose to tell him the truth?

As the time is pass day by day, the day he gonna far away from me is coming around and i scared i can't get a conclusion in the end as well.